So far this summer...

Jon's book has gotten some notoriety

Daphne got her library card and fell in love with books.

We have worn silly headbands

lifted weights

met new friends (sweet Marley!)

went to the zoo with Mommy and Angie,

went swimming for the first time (and is in swim classes for the first time!)

and learned that food tastes better after being applied to hair.

Whew! What a summer so far!

"A woman is as young as her knees." Mary Quant

Sweet one crawled on hard wood floors today. I felt so bad.

But I guess her knees would take a beating sooner or later. Mine always have! My mom always worried about how scraped up I would get. Oh, well. They're just knees.

She's taking it alright.

"From a little girl so very small, how and when did you get so tall?" Karen Mortensen

 Oh, my sweet DB Banks. She has just been so fun lately. About three or four weeks ago, she decided that she doesn't want to be spoon fed anymore. She indicated this by grunting at me and banging the back of her head on the seat of high chair. I found out that the real problem isn't the food but rather her insistence on feeding herself. So, I have been experimenting with different finger foods: scrambled egg yolks, diced apples, bananas, carrots, squash, zucchini, papaya, grapefruit (which gave her a little rash on her face), peaches, and avocado. Here is the fun part: She prefers the food smashed in her face first.

 This particular avocado incident led to her first big girl bath.

We went to visit my sister Jenny and her family this weekend and she had so much fun with her cousins. She babbled a lot, trying to talk like Lily, Parker and Julian. She had fun playing with all their toys, and really was just happy to give and get kisses.

Uncle Ryan with all my mama's grandkids

Julian giving her a little kiss.

Another thing taken care of at my sister's house? Daphne's tail.I absolutely loved her silly little tail, but other people started to talk about it, thinking that we had cut her hair like that on purpose. So, Aunt Jenny snipped it off. I keep reaching for it, because I used to twirl it all the time. Oh, well. Her first haircut.

For some reason, her hair naturally grew this way.

All gone.

Daphne has taken just a few steps but isn't walking yet. She has taken like one and one and a half steps on two occasions. She is getting to be such a big girl. I cannot believe I will be planning a first birthday in two months.

Her Royal Cuteness

It's true what everyone says. Nine months for babies is like a portal to new and cuter behaviors. 

Say cheese while you eat cheese.

She grants huge smiles to all her loyal subjects, and the lucky ones even get smooches. At first, she was very frugal with the kisses, but now, she's quite generous.

Standing is now no big deal and walking is most certainly on the horizon.

Daphne gets into everything and is extremely curious about items that are accompanied by the word no. No, don't touch electric outlets? Why, they must be the most exciting things ever!

She is getting some incisors this month but she really hasn't fussed too much about them. Really, the only thing that's changed is that she wants to be held to sleep, but that's ok.

I took this because I didn't want to move unless I knew for sure she was asleep. I used the camera to check.

She is goofier and likes to roughhouse a lot. She giggles soo much when we play silly games like Ride in the Diaper Box and Barbie.

We get lots of pictures with eyes closed against the flash.

She has been babbling a lot lately. Sometimes it seems like she is trying to imitate us, when her tone goes up or down like she's having a conversation. Sometimes, she is just making sounds. 

She will hand me items when I ask for them. "Daphne, hand Mommy that mascara!" Well, sometimes. She knows her eyes, nose and her mouth, but she won't tell you all the time where they are. 

I wish I could remember everything she has done lately. She amazes me.

Fill in the Blank Friday!

Life has been busy and pretty fun lately, as Daphne grows into her little personality and I fill my days with visiting friends and family. I want to update more later, and for now, here is

1.   I love    books      because   reading lets me escape in a healthy way. I typically don't have the most active imagination, but when I read I live vicariously through characters' adventures.

2.  A time that mama knew best was   when I was very little, younger than Kindergarten, there was a little girl riding a big wheel on my block. I told my mom I wanted to meet her, and my mom said, "To have friends, you have to be a friend. Introduce yourself!" I was kinda shy before that, and after the girl and I became quick friends, I really have always had confidence about meeting friends.

3.  My first kiss went a little like this   Oh, my gosh, it was extremely dramatic. I was 13, and I was "dating" this boy that I had never met but had talked to on the phone for weeks. He was a friend of a friend. We met at the mall, and we went outside where there was like a little woodsy area. He brought me through the woods to a clearing, gave me his dad's ring (?!) and kissed me. I remember thinking, "His tongue is slippery, like a fish."

4.  My celebrity crush is hmm... I don't really have one. I think Johnny Depp is my lifelong celebrity crush, though.

5.  My splurge of choice is   unfortunately ice cream, particularly the Peanut Butter Bash at DQ, with which I am currently obsessed. 

6.  My biggest accomplishment is     well, birthing a child ranks up there, but I also think being sober and changing my life is a pretty big deal.

7.  My dance jam of choice is    hahaha! I never dance! But, now I want to... How about Pump Up the Jam?

Play along here!

Here is the truth

I have friends who are stay at home moms. They seem to love what they do. They seem competent and fulfilled. I'm certain they have bad days and don't always feel appreciated, but for the most part, they appear happy with their role.

The truth for me is hard to admit. 

I don't love my new role. Even just seeing that in print makes me feel guilty. 

I'm supposed to feel blessed that I have this opportunity, but I feel burdened. Taking care of Daphne in our tiny apartment while Jon sleeps makes me frustrated and depressed.

I know that God has designated this for me, and I know that He can make this more fulfilling, but right now I'm challenged to see past my discouragement. 

Praying about this is hard, because I think there is a part of me that is perhaps angry with God for changing my life again. I felt pretty content and satisfied before, so why this? Not every mom should be home, right? Perhaps this mom shouldn't have this role.

But, the truth is, He directed this. I know He did, and I'm going to have to be vigilant about praying for peace with this role and praying for fulfillment. Today, I admit, it's not here yet, but I trust God that He will bring it in time.

I have been her kind

Dearest Daughter,

As you turn nine months old, I am consistently astonished by the newness of all you do. Yes, I still have to tell you not to chew my flip-flops every single day, but now when I say no, you are aware of exactly my meaning and you get a devilish glint in your eye and continue unabashed.

You shocked your father and me when you pulled yourself up to stand a few weeks ago. I was surprised when you learned so quickly how to wave goodbye. Now, your sweet and sloppy kisses amaze me and your limited verbal vocabulary is pretty impressive, too. You know noses, and mouths, and eyes, and clapping is your favorite. You get so excited when there are other babies nearby that you scream in delight, clap, and promptly steal their binkies. You put every thing in your mouth, the strangest of which I don't even want to document because it makes me want to throw up.


I know that by the end of this month, you will be walking. This can't be. You were just born, right?

I was holding you yesterday, when you first woke from a nap and you were still snuggly and needy, and I treasured you. Sometimes, in between the late night feedings and your desire to scream all your demands, I forget how damned precious you are and how unbelievably fast this is going.

Even in my womb, when an ultrasound confirmed that you were female, I knew some of your future. Mean girls will make you feel insecure about your ears or your forehead or your thighs or some other ridiculous thing. You will be obsessed with some boy, the way he expounds about D.H. Lawrence or the way he worships Jesus (hopefully), his inimitable blue eyes, the back of his neck. You will pour your heart out in a glitter notebook, convinced that you are the only one that ever felt exactly the way you do. You will reach out for friends and you will push back on me. And, it will be my job to love you and let you do these things as you become a woman.

And, women have to be strong, love.

I don't know why I'm so contemplative about this. I don't know why this is making me cry right now. Sometimes life isn't about whether you have matching hairbows and socks, but it's about whether you know how to stand up, how to put one foot in front of the other, similar to what you're already learning now.

I want to protect you from the mean girls, from the boy with the blue eyes who may break your heart. But, I can't. All I can do is teach you how to withstand these things, how to fall gracefully, and how to get back up.

Dearest Daughter, I love you immeasurably, and I'm so unprepared to really mother you. My prayer is for both of us, as time screams past us.