I have friends who are stay at home moms. They seem to love what they do. They seem competent and fulfilled. I'm certain they have bad days and don't always feel appreciated, but for the most part, they appear happy with their role.
The truth for me is hard to admit.
I don't love my new role. Even just seeing that in print makes me feel guilty.
I'm supposed to feel blessed that I have this opportunity, but I feel burdened. Taking care of Daphne in our tiny apartment while Jon sleeps makes me frustrated and depressed.
I know that God has designated this for me, and I know that He can make this more fulfilling, but right now I'm challenged to see past my discouragement.
Praying about this is hard, because I think there is a part of me that is perhaps angry with God for changing my life again. I felt pretty content and satisfied before, so why this? Not every mom should be home, right? Perhaps this mom shouldn't have this role.
But, the truth is, He directed this. I know He did, and I'm going to have to be vigilant about praying for peace with this role and praying for fulfillment. Today, I admit, it's not here yet, but I trust God that He will bring it in time.